Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
