I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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