I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Randomize