I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
