Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
