Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Randomize