You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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