My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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