I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Randomize
