my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
