After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
