Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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