Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
