im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
