I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
