Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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