He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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