I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
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