I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
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