I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
