craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
