So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
