anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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