I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
