If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I smell stomach acid.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Randomize
