girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
