ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
