So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Two words: blizzard sex
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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