I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
