There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
