My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
