You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize