I can text with my tongue
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
How does one acquire holy water?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize