Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
where are my pants?
in the oven.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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