either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
