Have you finally orgasmed yet?
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
