Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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