Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
