you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
