My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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