put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
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