party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
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