my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
A bitchslap is in order.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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