I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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