I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
