i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Randomize
