Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
