i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
