A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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