Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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