I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
