all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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