I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
