I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
