I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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