So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
