Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
