$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
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