epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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