I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
