no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Randomize
