The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
