First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
