I'm going to jail i love you
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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