I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
operation have a gay friend backfired
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
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