Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
