I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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