2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
