im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
