He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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