What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Randomize
