alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
