When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
