I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
